Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
