Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
