I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
