So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
How's work?
Spinning.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Randomize
