I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
