Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Randomize
