So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize