Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
