i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
