his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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