I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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