I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
