Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Randomize
