You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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