Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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