Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I love you.
Bad choice
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