For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize
