Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
