I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
