Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Randomize