forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
