Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
