Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
