I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
