Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
