My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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