i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
