You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
