Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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