Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
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