That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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