I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
