i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Randomize
