mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
