he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
