brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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