Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
