false alarm. still invincible.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
