dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
