I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
