M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
