everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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