Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize