I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
