Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
And then my night got REAL pukey
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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