I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
