so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
