do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
