By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
