The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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