His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
