So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize
