she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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