just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
