I have demons in me.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
