the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I'm both gender and math confused
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
