I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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