I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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