you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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