Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
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