Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
