Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Is it penis luge time yet?
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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