Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize