Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
